My stories are all out there, and sometimes hard to believe but they are all true. This next one is really out there and I can't even believe it happened this way but as far as I can remember this is how it went. . . .
Which leads me into my blog. . .
It was my boy's girlfriends birthday and we went to posh or mirage, one of those Long Island spots. Now mind you I'm from Manhattan. That day I also had plans but I promised to make it. Now whenever I sleep in Long Island my boy always has a couch for me. But this time i could not sleep over, I had to get back to pick up my father from the airport the next day. Whatev back to the story.
So I was at a bar before I had to catch my train to Mineola or where ever I was going. I had already been drinking before I got on my train and then I notice these cool beer stands on the LIRR platform that sell beer and I notice that people are taking the beer on the train with them so I do the only reasonable thing, buy 2 24oz Coors light cans and pound them by the time I get off the train.
Now I'm outta the train and getting into a cab that is taking me to Mirage, I remember now. My friends are already there at their VIP table with bottles and all that fun stuff. Drunk me decides to buy a drink before I even say happy birthday to the birthday girl. I purchase a red devil. Not the best choice I could have made but nonetheless my choice.
"HAPPPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!" - me
"Bro have a drink , I got Grey Goose and Absolute what you want?"- Friend
" Ummm let me finish mine first then I'll have Goose with Oj and Cran"-Me
5 minutes later
"Here ya go bro. . ."-Friend
So now I've drank my Red Devil , which is equivalent to a Long Island Ice Tea in about 5 minutes. My boy is handing me the new drink and while all this I'm trying to dance with a tall blonde. Another friend at the party is like "Vic lets do a lap", I'm like Fuck yea man I've feeeeeeeling gooooood.
As we "take a lap" I bump into a friend from work in another VIP section. I join him and start drinking his Vodka's and beers and whatnot.
I dunno how much time passes but at some point something in my head triggers that its time to go. As I recall someone put their coat on so I did the common sense thing, Go Get My Coat . . . From coat check. The rest is a blurrrr
NEXT I KNOW. . . .
I wake up in the passenger seat of a 33 year old black guy named Earl. Which is a tad bit drunk as well because he keeps asking me how'd I get in his car as he's driving out of the parking lot. For about 20 minutes I think this guy is going to take me to the train station I think he's one of the friends I was just hanging out with. He's just as confused as I am. I'm now fucking really confused. I'm saying to myself , out loud, " Wait. . . . so your saying you don't know me? You don't know (friends name), or (friends name). You weren't here for (NAME)'s party? " He replies "NO!" Now we are on some highway driving somewhere. (slow. shifty. eyes.) "So your saying I came out of Mirage. Tried some doors. Opened yours and fell asleep. IN. It?"
"Yea man who the fuck are you!?"-Earl
So after a while I sober up. I tell him I can't believe this happened. This is nuts. I plead with him to take me back to Manhattan and he says that its really far. Which it is. I tell him I'll pay for gas. So we fill up. Then he says he has to go home. When we are there his cousin or brother tries to sell me some bootleg dvd's and then Earl asks me if I smoke. I say hell yea. So he gets a bag from the DvD guy.
Leaving the house we take another car. He tells me we need a dutch and I need to gas up this car too. I have no other choice so I do it. We go to the gas station and I buy a philly and insert my card to fill up the car.
We smoke the blunt of bad weed all the way back to the city, as the sun comes up. We pass Shea Stadium and I go " I LOVE THE METS!" He replies "I'm a Yankee Fan" . Fucking Earl. I pay the toll. He drops me off at home. I take his Nextel Beep and went upstairs. Only to get my car keys to drive to JFK to pick up my Dad.
CRAZY FUCKING NIGHT! My friends didn't even call me that night. My phone died that night and when I got home I went straight to bed. When I woke up I had texts and voicemails from my friends wondering what happened to me. I told them what happened and to this day they crack up.
Tiz My Life. . .
p.s I dont ProofREAD shit!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Plastic Bottle Relationship
What the fuck is a Plastic Bottle Relationship?
When you get thirsty and your outside you go the store right? In the store there are many different type of beverages and only 3 types of containers; Can, Plastic and Glass. Sometime you are really thirty right now and want to finish it RIGHT NOW, so you get a can. Sometime you know you'll be thirsty for a while and want something you can close and open when you want, you can either get a plastic or glass bottle. A glass bottle is bulky and usually can't be held for the whole day because it might break but a plastic bottle can be opened closed thrown in your bag , tossed up and down with out fear of breaking.
Now apply that to a relationship. I just recently got out of a relationship where I was the plastic bottle. I was safe, available to open and closed whenever, be put away and brought out at the owners request. I was durable enough to not break if dropped. The person didn't want a "can " because a "can" wasn't enough. The glass was too fragile and she didn't want to be responsible if it broke. So she decided, just as many other women have probably decided to go with the safest most comfortable choice, PLASTIC. When I wanted to take the relationship to the glass level she said she wasn't really.
So if you find yourself in a relationship where glass is not an option, and there aren't enough "can" opportunities then you are in a Plastic Bottle Relationship. A plastic relationship isn't bad but it just won't go anywhere. But what do I know?
When you get thirsty and your outside you go the store right? In the store there are many different type of beverages and only 3 types of containers; Can, Plastic and Glass. Sometime you are really thirty right now and want to finish it RIGHT NOW, so you get a can. Sometime you know you'll be thirsty for a while and want something you can close and open when you want, you can either get a plastic or glass bottle. A glass bottle is bulky and usually can't be held for the whole day because it might break but a plastic bottle can be opened closed thrown in your bag , tossed up and down with out fear of breaking.
Now apply that to a relationship. I just recently got out of a relationship where I was the plastic bottle. I was safe, available to open and closed whenever, be put away and brought out at the owners request. I was durable enough to not break if dropped. The person didn't want a "can " because a "can" wasn't enough. The glass was too fragile and she didn't want to be responsible if it broke. So she decided, just as many other women have probably decided to go with the safest most comfortable choice, PLASTIC. When I wanted to take the relationship to the glass level she said she wasn't really.
So if you find yourself in a relationship where glass is not an option, and there aren't enough "can" opportunities then you are in a Plastic Bottle Relationship. A plastic relationship isn't bad but it just won't go anywhere. But what do I know?
Monday, December 17, 2007
To Drink or NOT to Drink, That is the Question. . .
Last night I was with a friend and we decided to go green. ---As we were going green we came across a topic that at the time was great but as I type I question it's greatness but anywho I'll attempt to make it as understandable as possible.....
Which leads me into my blog....
"Broski sometimes you have to ask questions in a way to get an answer for another less obvious question."--Me
" I don't follow..."- Friend
" Ok lemme see if I can explain, see I don't know I'm doing it but at the same time I ask a question I'm thinking of other questions that the answer is answering, follow?"--Me
"No not really."-Friend
" OK OK, If I'm talking to a girl and I ask her does she want to go to the movies on Tuesday night, I'm already thinking of what answer I might get. Say she says "NO, for that we might as well go to my place and watch it there" BONG! That answer means she is willing to have you over and cuddle on her couch while watching a movie ya feel me?"--Me
"Yeaaaa but I still don't get it"-Friend
"I dunno how to explain it, its like i have the EYE! If she woulda said "Naaa " You could come back with the " Yea me either, its gonna be empty and for that we might as well watch it at my place" , which is a legitimate excuse, She might be down for that, MEANING she's down to come over and chill on the couch next to you and watever"--Me
"Ok I'm kinda understanding"-Friend
"See its all about asking a question in a way that the response is going to answer another question in your mind WITHOUT asking it, cuz you can't straight up ask a girl to come over, cuz she's gonna think you wanna beat, but you can saying something along the lines of the movie thing and BAM! next thing you know your planning a date for your place! c'mon bro thats good"--ME
"OK I'm following now, so you saying theres certain questions that will answer questions that will let me know what I can and can not do?"-Friend
" EXACTLY, So a perfect example is "Wanna Drink?" or "Should I buy a six pack?" or "Wanna go to a bar?" Jon what does drinking do?"--Me
" I dunno gets you to relax and be a lil more social"-Friend
" Yea but Jon, if a girl is gonna drink with you chances of her being more flirty are up, chances of her being more open are up, now if your drinking, and SHE KNOWS THIS, then those chances are WAY UP, so I ask you this, doesn't she know coming into the bar or drinking 3 outta six beers, or taking part in half the bottle that at one point or another this dude MIGHT make a move and since I'm drinking I MIGHT let him?"--Me
"Thats a good point, ya know what thats a really good point"-Friend
"I know, so with your last situation the fact that you had drinks with the girl , she slept over and you still didn't beat or at least touch titty, means you didn't read the signs. Its a sign if a girl is comfortable drinking with you and then even more comfortable sleeping over, she practically was asking for it my dude"--Me
" Damn your right! We drank, we had a great time, my plans with you guys fell through and she said lets go back to my place, FUCK! and then nothing happened. Damn Vic my closing game isn't there."-Friend
"Its ok man thats what I'm here for, but honestly any girl that is willing to drink with you is down for something. If she keeps drinking shes A: Letting herself get drunk to blame it on the liquor, B: Getting tipsy enough to pretend she's drunk to blame it on the liquor, C: Drinking as much as you to let you know that she is fair game, or D: just a cock tease drunk"--Me
"It makes so much sense, drinking lowers your inhibitions and everyone knows that, you can't drink and not loosen up. But lets say the girl doesn't drink how would you game her then?"-Friend
" If she doesn't drink?"--Me
"Yea she doesn't drink"-Friend
"DOESN'T DRINK? Doesn't drink like doesn't drink or doesn't drink like doesn't want to drink on your date?"--Me
"She drinks but doesn't want to lower her inhibitions while with you until she knows you, but you wanna try and smash with out drinking involved, STRAIGHT G!"-Friend
"Did you get her number sober or drunk at a bar?"--Me
"Sober."-Friend
"Sober..... and then you take her out with out drinks? and then you intend to smash this girl sometime soon?"--Me
"YEA using STRAIGHT G!"-Friend
"STRAIGHT G?!...... We'll I dunno if I have ever done that? I mean I don't need drinks to get ass but still who the fuck doesn't drink? I mean c'mon you can't go from kissing to titty to ass to clit to fucking without at 1 point or another having a drink assist you gettin there."--Me
"I know people with straight G that have done it"-Friend
"Ok but still why? If thats the case then you trying to wife her up. If you go 3 consecutive dates with a girl, with no drinking involved and you ain't puttin' it in her, then my friend your dating her and trying to wife that up."-Me
"Okay so lets say you trying to smash a girl that doesn't drink around you."-Friend
I'll leave the rest to your imagination but what you( if your are a guy ) should get out of this is don't miss out on the signs. Yes there are other less obvious signs but remember what you just read. There are answers to questions that answer other less obvious questions.
Which leads me into my blog....
"Broski sometimes you have to ask questions in a way to get an answer for another less obvious question."--Me
" I don't follow..."- Friend
" Ok lemme see if I can explain, see I don't know I'm doing it but at the same time I ask a question I'm thinking of other questions that the answer is answering, follow?"--Me
"No not really."-Friend
" OK OK, If I'm talking to a girl and I ask her does she want to go to the movies on Tuesday night, I'm already thinking of what answer I might get. Say she says "NO, for that we might as well go to my place and watch it there" BONG! That answer means she is willing to have you over and cuddle on her couch while watching a movie ya feel me?"--Me
"Yeaaaa but I still don't get it"-Friend
"I dunno how to explain it, its like i have the EYE! If she woulda said "Naaa " You could come back with the " Yea me either, its gonna be empty and for that we might as well watch it at my place" , which is a legitimate excuse, She might be down for that, MEANING she's down to come over and chill on the couch next to you and watever"--Me
"Ok I'm kinda understanding"-Friend
"See its all about asking a question in a way that the response is going to answer another question in your mind WITHOUT asking it, cuz you can't straight up ask a girl to come over, cuz she's gonna think you wanna beat, but you can saying something along the lines of the movie thing and BAM! next thing you know your planning a date for your place! c'mon bro thats good"--ME
"OK I'm following now, so you saying theres certain questions that will answer questions that will let me know what I can and can not do?"-Friend
" EXACTLY, So a perfect example is "Wanna Drink?" or "Should I buy a six pack?" or "Wanna go to a bar?" Jon what does drinking do?"--Me
" I dunno gets you to relax and be a lil more social"-Friend
" Yea but Jon, if a girl is gonna drink with you chances of her being more flirty are up, chances of her being more open are up, now if your drinking, and SHE KNOWS THIS, then those chances are WAY UP, so I ask you this, doesn't she know coming into the bar or drinking 3 outta six beers, or taking part in half the bottle that at one point or another this dude MIGHT make a move and since I'm drinking I MIGHT let him?"--Me
"Thats a good point, ya know what thats a really good point"-Friend
"I know, so with your last situation the fact that you had drinks with the girl , she slept over and you still didn't beat or at least touch titty, means you didn't read the signs. Its a sign if a girl is comfortable drinking with you and then even more comfortable sleeping over, she practically was asking for it my dude"--Me
" Damn your right! We drank, we had a great time, my plans with you guys fell through and she said lets go back to my place, FUCK! and then nothing happened. Damn Vic my closing game isn't there."-Friend
"Its ok man thats what I'm here for, but honestly any girl that is willing to drink with you is down for something. If she keeps drinking shes A: Letting herself get drunk to blame it on the liquor, B: Getting tipsy enough to pretend she's drunk to blame it on the liquor, C: Drinking as much as you to let you know that she is fair game, or D: just a cock tease drunk"--Me
"It makes so much sense, drinking lowers your inhibitions and everyone knows that, you can't drink and not loosen up. But lets say the girl doesn't drink how would you game her then?"-Friend
" If she doesn't drink?"--Me
"Yea she doesn't drink"-Friend
"DOESN'T DRINK? Doesn't drink like doesn't drink or doesn't drink like doesn't want to drink on your date?"--Me
"She drinks but doesn't want to lower her inhibitions while with you until she knows you, but you wanna try and smash with out drinking involved, STRAIGHT G!"-Friend
"Did you get her number sober or drunk at a bar?"--Me
"Sober."-Friend
"Sober..... and then you take her out with out drinks? and then you intend to smash this girl sometime soon?"--Me
"YEA using STRAIGHT G!"-Friend
"STRAIGHT G?!...... We'll I dunno if I have ever done that? I mean I don't need drinks to get ass but still who the fuck doesn't drink? I mean c'mon you can't go from kissing to titty to ass to clit to fucking without at 1 point or another having a drink assist you gettin there."--Me
"I know people with straight G that have done it"-Friend
"Ok but still why? If thats the case then you trying to wife her up. If you go 3 consecutive dates with a girl, with no drinking involved and you ain't puttin' it in her, then my friend your dating her and trying to wife that up."-Me
"Okay so lets say you trying to smash a girl that doesn't drink around you."-Friend
I'll leave the rest to your imagination but what you( if your are a guy ) should get out of this is don't miss out on the signs. Yes there are other less obvious signs but remember what you just read. There are answers to questions that answer other less obvious questions.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
1st Blog
How does one start a blog? Do I write a joke? Tell a funny Story? Or give some advice. As gay as this reads I can't help to think of Sex in the City, ya know when she types on her Mac. I feel like the male version.
So that leads me into my blog . . .
Dating is something of the past. Or unless your on match.com or one of those dating websites. Dating is also expensive, very expensive depending of the types of females you go after. With that said let me introduce you to my current dating situation. For the sake of the Blog lets call her Annie. We've been "going" together since Nov. 23rd. And we are very much happy with each other. She's a tad bit younger and not the usual type I go after. Currently we are both sick. She had me over a day ago and made me soup and tea. I almost fell in love with her right there. Theres just something about a girl bringing you tea and soup that says she's "one of the greats ".
I've dated many MANY girls in my 23years in Manhattan. Some have gone great, some have been a waste of time and money. But when you date on the regular you know certain signs to look for. Something I know is that as a dater is you never can predict the outcome. You have to go in with your eyes open and realize that dating is dating. You must have consecutive dates to land that kiss, or have "that moment". Nothing in life comes easy, especially women, and if they do, they are easy for a reason.
And with that I'm out, til next time.
So that leads me into my blog . . .
Dating is something of the past. Or unless your on match.com or one of those dating websites. Dating is also expensive, very expensive depending of the types of females you go after. With that said let me introduce you to my current dating situation. For the sake of the Blog lets call her Annie. We've been "going" together since Nov. 23rd. And we are very much happy with each other. She's a tad bit younger and not the usual type I go after. Currently we are both sick. She had me over a day ago and made me soup and tea. I almost fell in love with her right there. Theres just something about a girl bringing you tea and soup that says she's "one of the greats ".
I've dated many MANY girls in my 23years in Manhattan. Some have gone great, some have been a waste of time and money. But when you date on the regular you know certain signs to look for. Something I know is that as a dater is you never can predict the outcome. You have to go in with your eyes open and realize that dating is dating. You must have consecutive dates to land that kiss, or have "that moment". Nothing in life comes easy, especially women, and if they do, they are easy for a reason.
And with that I'm out, til next time.
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