People go through phases. One day we like one thing and they next we like something else. One day we are happy and the next we are sad. "Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on."
Which leads me into my blog. . . .
Seeing someone is fun. . . its new . . . its exciting. But when do you decide how long you are going to see this person? Do you know this before you kiss the person? before you have sex? or before you do "special" things. Say like a play, or to a casino? I enjoyed someone's company a lot, lets say I was very much attracted to her mind.
We spent too much time together, looking back now, I came over and chilled on her couch, watched movies and jeopardy. We went to dinners and bars. We played pool a lot and text each other a lot. I'd ask her to text me to sleep. . .
Sadly when I got really drunk with her I apparently because a jealous guy. For some reason every time left her to either get a drink or take a leak she'd be getting hit on when I returned. The most recent one was sometime ago. I saw her dancing with her friends boyfriend's brother a little too close. Lets just say I saw something that I didn't like. I rather not type it. I left the horrible bar shortly after. I didn't go home, I stayed at her corner waiting til she got home. She called a lot and I ignored. I was drinking, and was not cool headed. I told her it was over, and shortly after she was in my car, and we were talking it over.
My actions may have seemed like I wanted to settle down with her, but I didn't , I don't. . . I think. Perhaps I'm scared of commitment. Maybe I think I can do better. We bother agreed we were not each other's type. But she couldn't help to get attached, and I couldn't help to get jealous. She said if I could not give her more then she could not continue. Her and I have , had, great communication so I didn't hold my tongue. I told her that I don't know if I want to be with her, and I simply enjoy her time and do not want to lose that. I really don't.
I can't help to feel down. I want to text her, I want to talk to her, I want to hear her talk. I want to do anything with her. I've been here before but never this strong. Confusing huh? I mean I know why I feel sad, but I feel like if I didn't say "No" to her wanting me, I wouldn't be here. So since I know this I do not call her, I do not text her I do not reach out. Only time will heal this feeling.
When she said she couldn't do this anymore, I told her she'd regret it, but I think I'm the one that is going to regret this one boys.
p.s proof reading would make me sadder. . .
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